have college to distract my thoughts but when they’re at their worst they completely paralyze me and I convince myself I’m an evil person who deserves to die and I spend days just in bed mentally proving to myself I’m not evil and have engaged in self harming behaviors. With Christmas break beginning I’m terrified this is going to intensify again and I can’t handle it. While trying to reassure myself online I saw something about pure o and I know you can’t diagnose and I don’t want to diagnose myself but I was wondering if this could be the result of a disorder or if I’m truly evil? I can’t carry on like this because it’s like my brain targets the thing I find most despicable and tells me I am that and I really hate myself. I’m only 17 years old I want to get it sorted well I still have a chance to go on with my life but I’m too afraid to talk to my therapist in case they believe I am these things too. Sorry about the length and thanks.
Anon, I know it’s really scary to have these kinds of thoughts, but everyone has them sometimes and it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. In fact, because you’re so concerned about having these thoughts means it’s really unlikely that you would ever act on them.
And it’s hard, but the best way to combat them is to let yourself know that it’s okay to have them. It doesn’t make you a bad or evil person. And if you tell your therapist they will not think you’re evil- they will want to help you manage them and accept them
You can do this ♥
These are called intrusive thoughts! Everyone has them once in a while, but they can be more severe for people with OCD (Pure-O as you mentioned).
The thing with these thoughts is the more you try not to think about them, the worse they get. Personally, once I started letting myself have the thoughts, they started to fade away.
It may just be a phase, some obsessions only last for a little while and then they go away completely, or get to a point where you aren’t bothered by them anymore. Sometimes obsessions change, too, they can go from one thing to another.
There is nothing wrong with you, and you are more than likely not evil deep down. The fact that you think about them and get scared means you’re not sociopathic/psychopathic. Refer to the rest of my blog to see other people’s stories and other advice.#ocd #pure-o
We live in the Age of Awkward. It’s hip to be square, cool to be uncool, and sexy to be nerdy (and above all, quirky). And there’s no better way to assert your individuality and weirdness than branding yourself “so OCD” about something.
Except that OCD isn’t a quirk or a set of tendencies or a BuzzFeed list; it’s an incapacitating, isolating disease that makes you afraid of your own mind."